Since it’s been so hot, I’ve been a shut-in. I don’t do well in the summer generally but this year I have had to take to my bed for the first time in several years. So, instead of boring myself to tears by spending every waking moment working or researching and writing a business plan or watching re-runs of Grace Under Fire and Roseanne, I embarked on cleaning out my filing cabinet and organizing the files. It hadn’t been done for several years.
I found several files of crap that was apparently very important to me several years ago but looking at it now, my thought was, "Why the hell did I save this?" Clearly, I created a file for it and tucked it away in the hanging folder carefully as though it was ancient wisdom inscribed on papryus. But why I saved a coupon for subs at Jersey Mike’s when I haven’t lived near that eatery in almost 10 years was beyond me.
Thankfully, there were few of those finds but many more unfinished pieces of writing and meaningful quotes scribbled on napkins, scraps of paper, yellow legal pads and box tops that irked me. They were reminders of how neglected my writing has been. I wondered not only who it was that wrote some of those things and how I would ever finish them. Life and I, we’ve evolved and we’re both so different than the woman and the life that first scribbled the words I found in my files.
For instance, I found this quote scribbled on the back of a chinese take out receipt:
Do you not see
That you and I
Are as branches of one tree?
With your rejoicing
comes my laughter
With your sadness
my tears start
Could life be otherwise
With you and me?
~: Tsu Yeh, Tsin Dynasty
Gorgeous. Obviously too long for a fortune out of a forgotten cookie. SO, why was it written down, saved and squirrelled away in a forgotten folder? No freakin’ clue.
Then this was found in my resume file complete with a cigarette burn and coffee stain on a beat up, undated page from a yellow legal pad:
Create life. So few understand exactly what this means.
If you have the power to create life; you have the power to create a life for yourself.
Power requires work. Power requires accountibilty. Power requires responsibility.
These are words that are often overlooked or worse, ignored. They aren’t comfortable, easy, pretty words that lend themselves to warm fuzzies, pink slippers and Granny’s snicker doodles.
They are constant, solid, and irrevocable.
But without their presence in our consciousness and our lives, women continue to allow themselves to be oppressed.
Not by men, not by society but by a sort of poverty of the spirit that will always keep the soul hungry for wholeness as it looks outside itself for validation and confidence.
Where did THAT come from? That’s some deep shit.