Please Untease Me


I
was supposed to deliver a Gasbag last week but alas I was too blurped
to get it up because I had been in California for 10 days visiting my
mother and sister. So, now, here, today is my first Gasbag installment.

What
many of you might not know about me is that I am a fan of bad
television. Bad reality TV. Many Sunday afternoons find me watching bad
reality tv while I do laundry or surf the internet researching all
manner of interests and ideas for writing or art.

I used to watch the Anna Nicole Show as close to faithfully as one can watch a train wreck in slow motion on a weekly basis.   I watch the Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency, the Bad Girls Club as frequently as I can stand and even less frequently The Hills and Engaged and Underage. I also eyeball the Real Housewives of Orange County and the Girls Next Door, both of which I actually enjoy, for reasons not entirely clear even to me so don’t ask.

So toss in frequent American Idol the occasional Wife Swap now you have my credentials in bad reality TV and you will not only trust me but believe me when I say, Tease is probably the single worst and most stupid show, since Mo’ Nique’s FAT Chance.

WFT is up with Tease
? Touted as "the ultimate battle for hair supremacy as home town
challengers face off against Master Stylists in outrageous hair
challenges – all in front of a live studio audience", I have to
interject. Since when is coloring and cutting hair AS FAST AS YOU CAN EVER
a good idea- all in front of a live audience? And this pretty much what
this show is all about. Two stylists "compete" in a preliminary round
for the honor of competing against a "Master Stylist", read as a
moderately talented hairstylist with a hugely overblown ego and sense
of self, at least from what I saw the episode I forced myself to sit
through this week.

The hairstyles this episode produced made me
wonder. The theme of Episode 105: Rock and Roll. One hairstyle was
identical to the stylist’s and was the same old tired, 90’s shoulder
length shag, complete with fringe around the face, colored in a flat
auburn red. The other style was shorter, asymetrical and PINK. Clearly
the hair model was UNHAPPY. Both hairstyles sported bangs that
completely covered one eye- AHOY Matie! Yohoho and bottle of rum.

Unfortunately,
there were no images to share with you on the website from the episode
so I can’t show you pictures. Aside from the hairstyling, the set is
ugly and the producers and/or director have decided to use cheesey
"suspenseful" music in the Deal or No Deal genre to "enchance the experience" or some shit like that.  I think it’s stupid.

And
what is up with Lisa Rinna? I swear she is turning into the poster
child for collagen lip injections and hoochey mama clothing. Manthing
saw her and asked, " What is wrong with her lips"? While it’s obvious
the makeup is troweled as TV is wont to do with women, but aside from
that no woman Lisa’s age has giant, mishapen yet full lips. I’m sure
she’s a great person but she’s so perky I want to drive a nail through
her skull. Lisa Rinna might be becoming a caricature of herself…
think Joan Rivers.

If you are struggling to remember just who the hell Lisa Rinna is she was Billie Reed on Days of Our Lives and was Taylor McBride on Melrose Place. She is also married to Harry Hamlin, which might explain a lot. Most recently she was the Tart In Residence on Dancing With the Stars and she co-hosts Soaptalk.

All in all, Tease is something watch when you have absolutely nothing else to do and you want a something to nap by.

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