Well, it's the beginning of a new year and I've been choosing among my thoughts before posting. Prudence.
Many of the blogs I read are written by moms. Moms of small children, moms of bigger children; moms who write; moms who make things; moms with disabilities and chronic conditions and moms who just love being moms. I also follow some of the same moms I read on Twitter and Facebook and other social media sites. Sometimes I follow their comments personally, sometimes I just look for their comments in a public feed. I'll be honest- I pay little attention to the moms who espouse rainbows and unicorns about their children and lives all the time. It simply can't be "Father Knows Best" all the time. If it is, it's bullshit and I stop paying attention. Some of my favorites are So Anyway, Plain Jane, I, Asshole, Dooce, Not Afraid To Use It, and Spin Me I Pulsate.
I've done my share of mothering and giving birth to ideas and works of art but It's hardly a secret that I am not a mother to a human child. I made that choice years ago and I don't regret it. My thoughts on having children were,-"Well if I get knocked up, I get knocked up"- hardly a glowing endorsement of my aspirations about motherhood.
I have this weird idea about motherhood- in order to be a good mom you have to really want to do it. You have to want the Baby Borg to assimilate your whole life and be willing to do what it takes to allow it to happen. I didn't want to do that for reasons which would be better explained in another post. The decision to be a parent shouldn't rest entirely on an "Oh well, it happened, guess I'll do it" frame of mind and if it does, maybe it needs to be rethought.
Okay, so Sunday evening I am keeping an eye on the public Twitter feed and see a humorous tweet which made me laugh and feel for the mother at the same time: the kid wouldn't go to sleep, mom was tired and frustrated and wondered if smothering was a crime if the kid refused to go to sleep. This made me laugh in the same way Dooce's new memoir about the pregnancy and birth of her first kidlet is aptly titled "It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown and a Much Needed Margarita".
However what was not so funny was seeing Eden post this Friday morning to which I commented:
followed Thordora on Twitter on the public feed and now I can't follow
her at all because I wasn't on her Twitter feed because she has rightly
protected her updates. Snooze you lose.
I saw that tweet and while it made me laugh, I also understood Thordora's frustration. I DID… NOT assume she was going to do something ugly to her kid. If I had
thought it, I would have asked her if she was ok. From reading her
blog, Thordora I know she isn't off her nut and is probably more
hyper-aware of such things than those of us who don't live with her
The thing to do is ASK and then call if you still
have concerns. OF COURSE, I understand the old addages 'Better safe
than sorry" and "to err on the side of caution" but really… it never
hurts to think before you act."
Upon thinking about it some more, I landed on the friends I have who
live with Bi-polar disorder. They are way more aware of their
surroundings and their emotional well-being than even I am, living with
chronic depression. It was and is obvious to me that Thordora is taking
care of herself and looking after her life. I know what BPD looks like
when it's not medicated. It's ugly and frustrating and makes me want to smother something.
Quite naturally, I wanted to see just who this sterling epitome of motherhood was- this dumbass who would call the cops before asking Thordora if she was was joking or what. In my two decades on the Internet, I've never run in to anyone who was asking for help that didn't at least talk about whatever it was that was bugging them. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It means I haven't run into it and only have my own experience to draw from.
Titless Wonder Tara aka- feelslikehome feels like nothing I want to read about. From looking at her, I'd venture to say she has issues of her own that should keep her from judging someone else's situation from a tweet but I don't know her, haven't read her (and won't) so I'll shut my bazoo on that score. However, I guess if I was interested how to make babyfood or Banana Sour Cream Cake and posts about tired, overrated "organization gurus", I'd be in Cleaver Heaven. Y-A-W-N.
If these are the kind of followers Thordora had, she's better off without them.
Add me to your Twitter followers, Thordora. I know I was pokey about adding you to my Twitter list. I've already been following your blog for awhile now and enjoyed your tweets. Don't make me suffer because a few dumbasses showed their big red money butts.
Image credit: SocialMedia