Third Daughter: The Legacy

The Legacy

In the chambers of my heart

in its very valves

I believe my father was flawed

not in the way most men

are flawed.

I believe he was not  so different from

serial killers I’ve read about

he killed dreams and innocence

mutilated lives, not bodies

I don’t want this to be true

but I feel it is.

I understand today that my father

was a careful construction

a studied husk

So that when he smiled, it was just wrong

a smile that simply unzipped his face

to reveal the darkness lurking inside.

To other people my father was a nice man, a good man,

He may have been an alcoholic when I was young

He hadn’t been drinking like that in years.

What did he do with the rage, the darkness

that squatted in him like a black toad?

I know the truth.

My father was not a nice man,

just very good at creating an external identity

a mask to show the world.

A mask he never took off.

Knowing if he took it off

he might never get it back on.

But in this moment one thing is very clear:

I am not him

I am not my  father’s daughter.

I  am me.

And whatever wrong, broken thing he contained

was not passed on.

4 thoughts on “Third Daughter: The Legacy

  1. And just what is it, I need to apologize for? For posting information on my blogs that I feel needs to be addressed? If you had your way, John, the only memory of Duke Spencer would the sainted old gentleman sitting in his rocking chair dispensing Cowboy wisdom to members of the Special Olympics. He was only what he wanted you to see. Do not lay blame at my feet for the sins and debauchery of your saint.
    If there are other people out who are kin to this man, I want them to know what kind of father and man *I* found him to be. *I* personally have caused you no pain. I have not questioned your remembrances of the man, I have not demanded proof of why you believe him to be a good man. I have taken you at your word.
    I have no doubt in my mind that the information you have found here is shocking and painful but it wasn’t done for any of the reasons you, your mother or wife have accused me of.I have not mutilated your life, nor your dreams, nor your memories. Duke Spencer did that by lying to each one of you everyday, for the time you knew him, by omitting what was unpleasant in his life and lying to re-create a life that clearly different than what he actually lived before he met your mother.
    People need to know what an ordinary, everyday sociopath is so they can recognize it for themselves and not find themselves bewildered after 20 years, hands full of information and events they never even knew happened, because they will have avoided this type of person altogether.
    It is unfortunate that you have also been hurt by this man’s actions and deeds but he was the one who has done this. Not I. I’m merely the messenger.


  2. As I mentioned in another post, I can only imagine how learning all of this at this stage of the game must feel. The pain must truly be unbearable. However, Krishanna is not responsible for your feelings. If anyone is, it’s George Owen “Duke” Spencer. It is Duke who deceived you, sir, not Krishanna. It’s simply not fair to place that on anyone other than him. All she is guilty of is speaking the truth. Unfortunately, that truth is loaded with pain – for you, your family, us, our family, everyone.
    If you’re truly interested in the whole truth, I encourage you to e-mail either of us privately to begin. There’s only so much back and forth on a blog that is appropriate.


  3. Unfortunately you have helped to potentially destroy other lives by posting this itself with names & dates that portray a real person. In most online stories of the hell other suffers of abuse went through, they do not list the real name of the person responsible (though some still do). Those that do not list the real name of the abuser do so for various reasons. One of them being that others that the abuser has touched in his or her life should not have to suffer the way the abused person did if the abuser did nothing to them. Those that knew the different man, the one that had become sober and could not have done anything like this nor would anyone even think he could be involved in something like this, will suffer because of the information you posted here. Their minds will hurt with the wondering of the man they knew personally and whether or not he was potentially this monster that you portray here. What you have done is mutilate the lives of those that have been involved with this man in a different way, but you have mutilated them the same. I am so, so sorry that I can not even express it appropriate via simple text on a web page, of what you might have endured and the pain you must now deal with for the rest of your live as you slowly recover and move on. I do not understand at this point what this may implicate for me or others involved with this man, but the man I knew while he was still alive was not the man you described here though, I guess that is the point, if you are right. He would have been able to hide it very well. But his actions alone in the years I knew him were not those of someone that could hurt one person so bad. This unfortunately does not make it impossible that he may not have done this. And that I must admit to. So if this is the case, if he did do these things to you all I can say is that I am sorry for the pain he caused you. But now will you be willing to say your sorry for the pain you have caused me or the others by making this more then just public to your friends and family, but public to the world? As you have caused us pain, you have mutilated our lives and our dreams and our memories of what was once perceived as a great man. Signed a sad, confused and now hurt young person.


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