The last time I blogged regularly was before the ex (aka Dr. Dread) unceremoniously and coldly dumped me after 15 years and even then it was probably more spotty than I remember. It’s taken a few years to recover from that life changing event; much longer than I could have ever anticipated. I had to start over. I had to spend some time alone and date and learn how not to become immediately attached to another emotionally unavailable man. I did that for nearly two years.
Then, I met King Dingaling and something happened to me that had never happened to me before. It was love at first sight. I know sound really fucking lame but that’s what happened. For us both. We are the same age… born a week apart. We start and finish one another’s sentences. So much in common- past and present. He might be my great love; certainly my soul mate. For this thanks goes to my Spirit Sister, Nan and her tenacity in keeping at me about joining and staying on the online site that brought Dingaling and I together. More about that in another post. I want to catch everyone up.
So, now my life is filled with learning how to put myself first while being in a relationship with a supportive, loving man. Sounds, wonderful, right? It isn’t always. I am forever catching myself putting other people in front of my needs, especially with a young child in my life and a man who is healing from nearly a lifetime of combat.
PTSD and TBI are prominent factors in life here at Casa Dingaling as is helping him raise a young daughter in spite of her shit-for-brains, ghetto mother. I am learning about caregiving and stepmonstering simultaneously. I sometimes feel I’ve been launched into a new world. I know we’re not supposed to compare and it’s often all relative but the severity of my PTSD was a drop in the bucket compared to what my Dingaling lives with everyday. It’s not always easy. It’s not always hard either. There’s good balance, all and all.
I haven’t done much art at all in the last several years and for awhile I felt guilty about it, to be honest. But hindsight is 20/20 and I see now the break helped me discern that I wasn’t interested in going the gallery route any more. 10 years in the art community taught me a lot and mostly that i didn’t want to do it that way anymore. So my newer work has been focused on smaller pieces and more wearables. I’ve writing down all my ideas and am beginning to pull them together and create them. As I create them, I’ll share them here and on krishanna | dot | com.
I have also started a new spiritual path- it happened about a year ago actually. Many of you know about my involvement in the Women’s Spirituality community. And I even began training as a Priestess of Hecate with an online order for awhile. But the curriculum began feeling confining and just a bit stifling. The heavy Wiccan influence on contemporary spellwork began feeling fluffy. I wanted something to sink my teeth into and I was finding more of the same I’d encountered over the last 20 years. Hoodoo recaptured my attention and piqued my interest. I once again feel at home spiritually and have found a more balanced and open community.
When I’m not paying attention, I am falling in love with my life again- all of it.